As salaamu alaykum sister. I really enjoyed reading this. And I couldn’t agree more.
I’ve been offline for a long time and when I came back to social media I’ve noticed this weird performative femininity too. It felt unnatural and unauthentic. I don’t know how else to describe it besides that.
What’s funny is I’ve been in Egypt for nearly a year and been studying with many different sisters from many different countries. I’ve noticed the sisters from certain parts of the world namely Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, and some parts of Russia were very different than the sisters I would see on social media or around me. They weren’t performative at all. There was something about them that felt authentically feminine. And it wasn’t the clothing they wore bc most of the time we were in all black but the way they carried themselves. And likewise their men.
When I would see them in the street or marketplaces, I noticed they seemed a lot more masculine than the men in the west. It’s subtle, but undeniable.
So after reflecting, I realized that the Muslims from those countries (the lower key countries, when they have strong Muslim identity and are not too big on social media) are closer to their fitra. When I told this to my family, they said it’s likely bc they live more traditionally lives, specifically in those countries. They are farmers who grow their own food , live slower lives etc.
In the west, I feel as though both the men and women were indoctrinated young with feminism. Women thinking they are equal to men and fighting for the cause until they became tired. While the men were afraid of simply being men.
I’ve noticed lately, especially on social media, that both men and women seem fed up and are trying to return to older norms. Women talk about wanting a softer, slower life, and men are leaning into masculinity again, gym, discipline, MMA, all of that.
But at the same time, the way this lifestyle is being packaged online feels off. The femininity and masculinity courses, the perfectly curated lives influencers show, it all feels like another version of coping. Everyone is performing instead of actually living it, which is why it all feels so fake.
I couldn’t agree with this comment more. Thank you so much for the insight. We’ve become so confused about our natural fitrah, that even going back and seeking it out can sometimes look performative too. I think it fundamentally waters down to a misunderstanding of how our masculinity or femininity expresses itself depending on who we are, not what’s cool at the moment.
I love this! this is so important to keep in mind as a Muslim woman because often showing your personality that doesn't fit into the Islamic standard people have made up is often labeled as having "no haya" when it is just our own personality??
and like you mentioned we have the many examples of the sahabiyaat who were all uniquely different and they weren't critiqued for their differences.
i loved this piece so much, sumaya !! ♡ it reminds me of this one quote from ibn al qayyim that my therapist always reminds me of: "women are one half of society which gives birth to the other half, so it is as if they are the entire society". how beautiful is that? may Allah bless you for writing such a beautiful and informative piece, Ameen ♡
As salaamu alaykum sister. I really enjoyed reading this. And I couldn’t agree more.
I’ve been offline for a long time and when I came back to social media I’ve noticed this weird performative femininity too. It felt unnatural and unauthentic. I don’t know how else to describe it besides that.
What’s funny is I’ve been in Egypt for nearly a year and been studying with many different sisters from many different countries. I’ve noticed the sisters from certain parts of the world namely Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, and some parts of Russia were very different than the sisters I would see on social media or around me. They weren’t performative at all. There was something about them that felt authentically feminine. And it wasn’t the clothing they wore bc most of the time we were in all black but the way they carried themselves. And likewise their men.
When I would see them in the street or marketplaces, I noticed they seemed a lot more masculine than the men in the west. It’s subtle, but undeniable.
So after reflecting, I realized that the Muslims from those countries (the lower key countries, when they have strong Muslim identity and are not too big on social media) are closer to their fitra. When I told this to my family, they said it’s likely bc they live more traditionally lives, specifically in those countries. They are farmers who grow their own food , live slower lives etc.
In the west, I feel as though both the men and women were indoctrinated young with feminism. Women thinking they are equal to men and fighting for the cause until they became tired. While the men were afraid of simply being men.
I’ve noticed lately, especially on social media, that both men and women seem fed up and are trying to return to older norms. Women talk about wanting a softer, slower life, and men are leaning into masculinity again, gym, discipline, MMA, all of that.
But at the same time, the way this lifestyle is being packaged online feels off. The femininity and masculinity courses, the perfectly curated lives influencers show, it all feels like another version of coping. Everyone is performing instead of actually living it, which is why it all feels so fake.
I couldn’t agree with this comment more. Thank you so much for the insight. We’ve become so confused about our natural fitrah, that even going back and seeking it out can sometimes look performative too. I think it fundamentally waters down to a misunderstanding of how our masculinity or femininity expresses itself depending on who we are, not what’s cool at the moment.
I love this! this is so important to keep in mind as a Muslim woman because often showing your personality that doesn't fit into the Islamic standard people have made up is often labeled as having "no haya" when it is just our own personality??
and like you mentioned we have the many examples of the sahabiyaat who were all uniquely different and they weren't critiqued for their differences.
Yesssss!! Exactly!! No two women are the same, so why behave that way?
i loved this piece so much, sumaya !! ♡ it reminds me of this one quote from ibn al qayyim that my therapist always reminds me of: "women are one half of society which gives birth to the other half, so it is as if they are the entire society". how beautiful is that? may Allah bless you for writing such a beautiful and informative piece, Ameen ♡
Yesssss!!!!!! ibn ul qayyim will forever be my favourite. may allah have mercy on him. what a quote 😭 and آمين my love 🤍